Alex's Journal

4:00am: I don't believe in perfect or permanence, but I do believe in happiness.

3:42pm: I wonder how many times this song has been googled since Sunday.
So when tears flow
And you don't know
What on earth to do
And your world is blue
When your dream dies
And your heart cries
Shahadaroba
Fate knows what's best for you

10:31pm: Psychological hedonism.
"...but you won't get a hangover from reading a book."

Listening to Hickman talk about Hobbes, social contract theory, John Stewart Mill and hedonistic utilitarianism was as entertaining as watching paint dry (I often sit in class and count down how much time there is until I get to leave). The subject matter would be entertaining and more worthwhile if the instructor had a personality. But today miraculously brought forth this little gem that emerged from his mouth. Best argument in favor of literacy that I've heard recently.

5:03pm: Mad Men
Now that season three is practically over and because the last two episodes were holding-my-breath awesome, I decided to type something about it. (Not that anyone who is my friend on here is going to be that interested, I'm the only person I know who is this crazy about Mad Men.) In particular, I'm out of my mind excited about the Don Draper/Dick Whitman discovery made by Betty and the Joan-Sterling-Dr. Rapist premise.

The secret is out, Betty knows all about the whole Don Draper/Dick Whitman secret identity. Though I really loved how the writers not only showed Don in a position of vulnerability, but the irony in how Betty actually showed understanding for Don when he confides in her about his family and how he came to be Don Draper. I think it's why Don becomes so emotional when talking about Adam's death, because he realizes that he didn't need to hide his history or his identity and this his brother may still be alive had he known that earlier.

Now I will digress about some other things before getting to Joan:

This season for the most part has been really slow and every storyline has been fragmented to the point that I was almost bored with waiting for something really big to happen, but the writers haven't disappointed. I loved how they confronted Sal's issues with his sexuality (which were alluded to in the first two seasons) not only with the hookup with the bellhop, but later came full-circle with the situation for the Lucky Strike commercial. While this led to Sal being fired, I'm hoping that doesn't mean this is the last we see of Sal's character.

Now onto my favorite character...Joan. I can't be the only person who was practically cheering when she smashed the vase against Dr. Rapist's--I mean, her husband's--head. I absolutely loved it! I hate his character, I hope that either a) she leaves him for Sterling or b) send him to Vietnam where he dies (his whole joining the army brought on that gem--thank you, Mad Men writers!)

This being said, I should probably explain why I hate Dr. Rapist. Last season, Joan became engaged. The guy was "perfect" on the surface--good looking, a doctor, blah, blah, blah. There is an episode where he is taking Joan to dinner after work and he comes into the office (Joan was the head secretary/office manager). After a conversation between Joan and Sterling, Dr. Rapist gleans enough information to realize that Joan and Sterling had something of a past history (I don't think he actually knows of their affair, but his comment about Sterling knowing a lot about Joan suggests he figured there was something between them at one time.) Dr. Rapist then proceeds to earn his nickname by raping Joan in her place of power--the office. His character is everything I hate in a person all rolled into one; jealous, controlling, whiny, self-centered and insecure.

The part before that when he's talking about wanting something your entire life and the disappointment that comes when you cannot have it, the look on Joan's face was so sad. I believe it's because on the inside, Joan is a romantic. Joan wanted the happy picture with a house in the country, a husband and a loving marriage. I believe she is disenchanted with what her life has become. She knows all too well the disappointment her husband is going through, but he is too self-centered to think that Joan has the capability to empathize. I love how she responds by smacking him over the head with the vase, it was so unexpected because Joan is normally so poised.

Also, about Dr. Rapist joining the army. I like how the writer's kept Joan true to her character with her response being a mixture of disappointment (what she was really feeling) with pretending to be happy with her husband (what she believes she is supposed to feel).

Moving on, I want to touch on the Joan-Sterling situation before this becomes beyond unbearably long. I'm hoping that Joan's contact with Sterling leads to them returning to the affair that ended in season one. I believe that out of all the women that Sterling has been with on the show, Joan was the only one he actually loved. Though he turned down Annabel's advances in yesterday's episode, I don't believe it is because he loves Jane (the new Mrs. Sterling). Especially during the scene when he makes the phone call on Joan's behalf and makes a remark about her being very important.

But we'll see what the next two weeks brings.

11:30pm: Smoke gets in your eyes.
"The reason you haven't felt it is because it doesn't exist. What you call love was invented by guys like me, to sell nylons. You're born alone and you die alone and this world just drops a bunch of rules on top of you to make you forget those facts. But I never forget. I'm living like there's no tomorrow, because there isn't one."

10:08pm: Sweets and sweetest.
Five minutes ago I ate a slice of the cake that my sister made for her boyfriend for Sweetest Day hours after she told me that I couldn't have any. Well, her boyfriend left the cake sitting in my kitchen, and I doubt he's going to miss one slice, so I ate it. Also, because I'm mean and I hate holidays like Sweetest Day and Valentine's Day because they remind me that my sweetie isn't here. That being said, it was a good piece of cake.

8:44am: "I have pepper spray on my keychain!"
Last night when I came home from school, my mom told me she had a present for me. When I walked into the room I saw a can of pepper spray. But not just any can of pepper spray, it was pink (October is Breast Cancer Awareness month) and it had a loop for me to put it on my keychain. I can contribute to saving the tatas and escape from creeps all in one blast from a spray can. My mom is so cute.

8:35pm: I need more genuine face-to-face interaction in my life.

8:39pm: It's almost October.
October has and always will be my favorite month of the year. Sweater weather, the smell of burning leaves, the changing colors, pumpkin everything, Halloween candy, the cold air making my body feel clean and invincible, the world full of possibilities. I woke up this morning and realized it was almost here because the window was shut, but not because the air conditioning was on. I was excited when I left my house wearing a sweater, a jacket, and boots. (Yes, I'm one of those rare people who is happy to know that Summer is finally over with.) I can't wait for my whole world (at least the corner of it that's still in Michigan) to look like it's been set on fire with the reds, yellows and oranges of the leaves. (Though in my town, it's mostly yellow) I want to spend my mornings off drinking green tea, reading books and daydreaming, hiding under a blanket and a bathrobe. I can see it right now--it's almost perfect, all I'm missing is you.

1:17pm: Birthday! Lets see how many people forget this one.

7:48pm: Seriously...




Why is it such a far-fetched thing for some people to believe that the American government lies to its citizens on a regular basis? It's been proven numerous times that policies are enacted and wars are fought for the personal gain of a few powerful individuals. People need to pull their heads out of their asses and stop believing the bullshit that is spoon-fed to them by political pundits on the major news networks who are the human puppets of our rulers. Yeah, I posted this on 9-11. What are you going to do about it?

10:26pm: One man's pleasure is another man's chore.
Regardless of how bizarre they usually are, my dreams of dogs are always the happiest.

1:11am: Singing the blues.
I turn over the memories in my head and attempt to pick apart the illusion.
Why? We all lie. You can't tell the truth all the time.

12:44pm: Bill and Al show Barack and Hill how SHIT GETS DONE.
http://community.livejournal.com/ohnotheydidnt/37920698.html

12:06pm: Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth.
This morning I dreamt that I started pulling out my teeth and throwing them on the lawn of a stranger's yard. As I held one of my molars in my hand, I dropped it in disgust when I noticed it was brown. I kept sticking my tongue in the spaces that my discarded teeth once occupied as I walked away from the grass, down a sidewalk and through a neighborhood of my childhood. I'll have to look up the meaning later today.

11:12am: My dreams pulled me from the ground.
Time is one of those elusive intangible things in my life that preoccupies my mind.

11:31pm: Think about it.
"Don't confuse her ability to survive with maturity."

11:17pm: Compass needle breaks, like the heart I gave to you.
I bought Spinnerette's cd earlier this week and listening to it has given me a major case of nostalgia. I'm reminded of my punk rock phase and my raging girl crush on Brody Armstrong (now Brody Dalle). It reminded me that while I may have been more irresponsible then, I take myself less seriously nowadays.

12:52am: Whim:
I have decided that this year for my birthday I am going to throw myself a party (largely because no one else will, everyone always forgets what day my birthday is--yes, that was BOTH an obnoxious dig and a pity party for one...after all, i am a multitasker) with pink drinks and tons of tiny pink cupcakes. For my last two birthdays, I wanted a murder-mystery birthday party, but no one listened to me (both birthdays were uneventful). Therefore, I am taking matters into my own hands and creating my own plans.

5:32pm: The legal system is a joke.
I know I'm a couple of days late in making this a time-appropriate sort of post, but am I the only person who is angry that Chris Brown (that douchebag singer who beat up his girlfriend Rhianna back in February--yeah, I read a lot of entertainment/gossip magazines) did NOT receive jail time?! Instead, he only received 180 days of community service and "domestic violence counseling". I get that Brown went for a plea deal and that he did not have a prior criminal record (blah, blah, blah...)but I still find the judge's ruling on this case to be ludicrous.

Why? Offenders are more likely to receive a more severe sentence for issues concerning the sale or usage of drugs. It makes the point that the justice system/law enforcement do not believe that protecting a woman from being beaten by an intimate partner is more important than punishing a person for using or selling drugs. But then, as male-dominated fields, I do believe that both the legal system and law enforcement as a whole do commit practices that are largely against protecting women. (This is only one example, there are many. and do take note, that this is merely my own opinion.)

Also, as a woman, I find it unfortunate that all too often abusive men go unpunished. (No, I do not think that attending counseling sessions and picking up garbage are a legitimate form of punishment for someone who carries out a violent crime.) How is a woman supposed to feel safe if an abusive boyfriend, husband or father is protected by the legal system? A system that should be protecting a victim of violence, not the perpetrator. All too often, women are killed by an abusive spouse, partner or family member. Why? Either because people do not see the signs of abuse, they choose to ignore them, or (as in this case) they side with the abuser because he pretends to be sorry. (Note: This also isn't factoring in battered woman's syndrome, etc.)

All in all, I am angry. If a man is an abusive person, picking up a little garbage on the side of the road isn't going to change that. A few "counseling" sessions isn't going to reform an abuser. I realize that even if abusers do face jail time, even that may not change their behavior. But at least a person who (like Brown) hates women will not be on the street and free to attack someone else.

Sometimes I'm afraid there are no safe places in this world.

11:22pm: Give me things that don't get lost.
While my anxiety heightens, I can feel the world shrinking.

8:56pm: Don't bother looking for what I've neglected to bring.
I saw a wishing well down by the stream
I never understood what wishes mean
Just ask for nothing you get what you get.
I asked for something I've not got it yet.

Driving and singing Rasputina at the top of my lungs.
Otherwise, today has been uneventful.

11:22am: Five more days and I'll be hopping on a plane!

2:41pm: Literacy is a beautiful thing, you might want to try it sometime.
This morning I found myself becoming angry about grammatical errors I kept finding in articles in the paper. It's a mindfuck that these things go unnoticed. Isn't a journalist supposed to be responsible for delivering information in an educated manner? How can one engage in this if said person cannot even construct a sentence without butchering the English language? Damn Michigan, get it together.

9:26pm: Coo-coo-ca-choo
This song keeps showing up on the radio when I'm driving, and I catch myself singing.
It's funny how something perverted puts you in a positive state of mind.